These are the stairways
Built over time
They wind around in circles
The ends hard to find

Made of wood and stone
The walls cold and bare
Not sure what can be seen
Although you sit and stare

Hiding many things
Secrets entombed, enshrined
Covered in shadowy darkness
The corridors of my mind

The conversation started slowly, each feeling out the other, not sure of where to go next. The fates had always seemed like they were against us. Our timing could not have been worse. It’s like missing your train stop; then when you hop back on to go in the other direction, you miss the stop again. It was a never ending cycle that we couldn’t figure out.

Our paths crossed so often that we figured that Destiny was involved, but his bastard of a brother, Fate, was against us. We could never seem to walk parallel to each other. Instead, we’d cross each others’ paths, always going in a different direction or making lefts when the other would make a right. By now, our paths had taken us to a point where we needed to resolved this situation or else we would continue to torture ourselves and others around us.

She had a boyfriend now. In fact, this was her second one, after our time together had faded away. As her friend, we still talked, but I believe that deep down, in our heart of hearts we still felt that tingle that caresses your spine when we talked or saw each other, which was very rare. Maybe it would have worked out if our timing was a bit different. Maybe it would have worked if I was closer, but in the end, she still had a boyfriend.

There were no hard feelings nor any ill will because she looked like she had moved on. I was happy for her since she seemed content and was forging a new path in her life. That’s what I thought before I received that intoxicated phone call, where she tried to verbally rip me out of her life. Although she was with someone, for some reason, I still existed there in her heart and that troubled her. She was seeking some kind of closure that would set her free. The kind of closure that would set my memory free from her heart.

So this time, we talked like old friends, without the crying and the tears. There was still something there between us, but we knew that it probably would never work, considering our own personal issues and the circumstances that we were thrust into. We each had our own demons to battle and it might have worked, if the roads we took didn’t seem to stray too far apart, just like the 400 miles that separated us now.

Over the span of a few hours, we ironed out our thoughts and feelings, bringing closure to each other. We forced ourselves to accept reality and the probability that we could only be friends, nothing more, nothing less. No matter what direction our lives took or how far we were, we’d always be friends. At least, in that vein, we’d always be able to support each other through the difficulties in our lives. That was our pact.

I knew that the next time I heard from her, we’d both be at different places in our lives and different locations in time. There was no sadness or regret between the two of us any longer. Our time had passed and we had finally come to a place in the road where we could look each other in the eyes and be ok.

Saying our good-byes, I knew that I was truly ok and finally, so was she.

Part: 1, 2, 3,

She wanted to call and say hi, to hear my voice once again and then walk away. She wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was an intoxicating draw for her; this kind of personal torture and torment, my voice being so close but yet I was so far away. She wanted to get her “fix” and simply leave, but I wasn’t ready to let her go, not just yet.

You see, the torture and torment didn’t end with her, it went both ways, since I too felt the gravitational pulls of this singularity that we were both trapped in. We were unable to escape and unable to let go.

I felt the tug of my heartstrings and I didn’t want to hang up. It was quite possible that after this call, we’d never hear from each other again. Our last phone conversation didn’t go well and we had ended it with her in a fit of tears and my heart tearing in two. I didn’t want that to happen again.

This was a second chance to possibly make things right between us. To mend the tears of our relationship, which was always ill-timed. To possibly come away from this as amicable friends, if not more.

It started with a simple hello.

Part: 1, 2, 3,

I hadn’t heard from her in quite some time. There was a time not too long ago that I believed I would never hear from her again. For once, I was glad that I was wrong.

The last time we spoke, she seemed as if she was slightly intoxicated and she only had deceptively harsh words for me. Those words came through quivering lips and full of anguish. The potentially hateful things that she said didn’t cut me like she had hoped. She tried to push me away; by angering and wounding me so that I would respond with brutal rebuttals and would have given her reason to forget me forever. The thing is, she knew as well as I did, that I wasn’t so easily manipulated.

This time however, she was different. Her words were strangely timid and hesitant, as if she was afraid of something. What she was afraid of, I do not know. Was there something wrong? Did she remember that night and felt guilty about the things she said? Or was there something else I simply didn’t get.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but I would soon find out.

Part: 1, 2, 3,

As the rain fell out of the sky, I sat and tinkered with the brand new computer components splayed before me. Working at a steady pace, I was supposed to be building a new machine for a client. Wrapped up in the comfort of something familiar, yet new; I almost failed to notice the phone on the ground next to me, silently humming with the vibrations of an incoming call. Jarring me from my focused concentration, I looked at it without even registering the fact that someone was trying to reach me. Oh yeah, that’s what phones are for right?

Wiping my hand against my jeans, I picked up the still vibrating phone and flipped it open with a slight flick of the my thumb and wrist. It was a well practiced motion that was used so often that it barely registered in my senses. Not even with a glance at the caller ID, I shouldered the phone and looked back down into the computer case, totally engrossed in the work at hand.

“Hello?”

“Hey man, long time no talk…how’re you doing?”

The voice that came through the receiver from the other side, sent my mind drifting backward through time.

He seemed a bit out of place. Looking around with curious eyes and a small slip of paper in his hand, he gazed up at the glossy white numbers that were painted onto each door that lined the hallway. I had seen him around before. He played football and we had practiced together as teammates but I barely knew who he was. I went to say hi and thought that I’d see if he needed any help finding what he was looking for.

That one decision I made that fateful day was how it all started.

It has been almost a year now since he was last near enough in distance to go hang out with. In the time that we’ve known each other, we’ve gone through a great many things. Some of these situations have been good, some have been bad and some situations were so ridiculously funny that it would be a lie to say that I didn’t hurt myself laughing. But none of these events in my life would have felt the same if I hadn’t known him.

The ropes that tie our friendship together has crossed a great many borders and spanned distances that some people have a hard time understanding. The boundaries and barriers that we have crossed are difficult for people to overcome as we all grow up, mature and grow apart. The three and a half years that I spent on the east coast didn’t diminish the strength of our connection. It only tested the bonds that held us together. Our personalities clash, and our backgrounds are so different that if you were to look at us, you’d see night and day. Guess which one I am?

We’ve seen each other at our worst moments and been there for each other when we triumphed over our own personal obstacles. When my family fell apart he was around to keep me sane. When his family fell apart some years later, I was there as well. Our brotherhood has lasted through girlfriends, injuries and even some major mistakes that cost us dearly. To see another person at his/her lowest point and still be there is something truly special. I will always remember the crazy things that we did. All the times where we helped cover up for each other’s mistakes and always watched the other guy’s back in a fight. The memories that were created when we were together, could span several lifetimes.

A dozen years later, as we talk over a distance of 2800+ miles that separates the two of us, its as if nothing has changed. We pick up where we left off and continue on in our steadfast friendship with each other. He bought a house and now lives in Florida with his girlfriend, while I still live in the Bay Area, the area that we grew up in. The time and distance that sits between us only confirms that the moors that attach us are strong enough to withstand anything.

The various events in our lives not only makes us the best of friends, but it makes us family. That’s what we are. We’re family.

How do you make the burning pain go away

As it drags on day after day

How do you begin to cope and dry the hurt you feel inside

As the world slowly spins and passes you by

How do you make the aching stop

When your heart seems to be in total shock

How do you make the gnawing pain subside

When you’re all torn up inside

Why do these feelings show

Like the pure simple brightness of fallen snow

The angry wails could be heard resonating in the still night air. The short, shallow breaths that floated from his lips, in little tendrils of frosted steam, could be seen rising skyward in the cool wash of moonlight. Animalistic cries filled the sky, hammering away at his consciousness, wearing down his mind’s psychological barriers.

Glancing quickly left and then right, he ducked into the blackness of a large oak tree and waited. Waiting for something that he hoped would never come. What he felt wasn’t natural, but neither was the situation he was in at the moment. He couldn’t shake this feeling of unease.

Nighttime had come hours ago, and the bright full moon had risen up into the deep velvet darkness that covered the earth in its shadow. He had been caught outside unawares when night fell, but as time wore on, he realized that there was good reason to be indoors when daylight waned. Not even the pitch black of night could hide this eerie sensation that crawled all over him. His breathing quickened as he tried to assess the situation that lay before him. Looking about, he knew that he was in a very precarious position. No one dared wander out into the night under these circumstances. And he was out here against his better judgment.

He gazed up into the sky, marveling at the tiny twinkles that signaled that there was indeed life out there, somewhere. He knew that some day someone might find something out there. He just hoped that he was around when that happened.

The ghost-like orb hung in the sky, with a misty black backdrop to contrast the stark white glow emanating from a power source unknown. It beckoned to him and pulled at him relentlessly. He wondered if there was something about the power of the moon that made people wish and wonder. Was there something magical about it that hadn’t yet been discovered? Maybe one day, he would be the one who unlocked the secrets of the mystic moon.

A scream pierced his reverie and the silent of night. It was almost indiscernible, but he understood at once what it meant. Sighing inwardly, he slowly trudged to the side of the house, opened up the gate and went through it.

Mom was yelling at him again. He had forgotten to take out the trash.

It had been years. Every single summer for the past half-dozen years, he had been coming to this place. This tranquil place, set deep into the forested foothills of the Sierra Nevada. The place was a pond, not big enough to be called a lake, but it held still water that was continually fed by the tributaries branching off of the Yuba River nearby.

The area was a peaceful spot, still untouched by the age of technology and steel. Fields of wild grass and green pastures still covered the landscape everywhere you looked. The trees that towered overhead, had grown tall without any additional help from the world of man. Here, nature still remained vibrant and strong.

It was early morning. The sun had just peeked above the hills, casting a warm, orange glow over the body of water he now faced. Clouds of early morning steam rose from the calm still waters, evaporating like ghosts chased away by the morning sunlight. The fish and frogs had already taken their leave, scrambling deeper into the darker areas that surrounded the pond.

He stood there with the sun upon his bare back, gazing at the outline that his shadow formed on the surface of the pond. Stretching his arms up into the sky, he took a deep cleansing breath and dove into the calm, cool waters below. As soon as his whole body had submerged, he opened up his eyes to see a small fish hurriedly flash away into the deeper, murkier depths of the pond. Looking around, he noticed the water’s slightly green hue caused by the algae that hung there, suspended in the water.

Cupping his hands, he gave a long, strong pull as he stayed under the surface and let the momentum carry him farther from the small pier he had dove from. The water parted before his streamlined form, barely causing a ripple on the surface. He was totally content in his solitude for the time being, although his oxygen supply would run out soon enough.

Another long pull, and the accompanying kick from his legs propelled him further from shore and closer to the center of the pond. He wondered how long he could last, holding his breath and depriving himself of air. As a child, he was able to hold his breath for over 3 minutes. By now he was able to surpass the 4 minute mark, but that was with little exertion. He wondered how he would do now.

Bending at the waist, he dove deeper still. Flipping onto his back he marveled at the sunlight filtering through the water, like a cascade of mirror pieces falling from above. He recall the long, lazy days where he’d hide underwater and sneak up upon his unsuspecting friends that had come along on these trips. Those were the days of unbridled joy and carefree happiness. When life was slow and much easier to understand.

He missed those days, lounging in the sun. Days where the only thing they had to think about was what they were going to eat for lunch and dinner. All the time in between was spent frolicking in the outdoors and simply enjoying what life had to offer.

Feeling a slight tightness in his chest, he knew time had begun to run out. Things weren’t so simple anymore. Turning toward the surface, he kicked once and floated slowly toward the light. His face broke the surface and he slowly pulled for the other side.

Swimming slowly along, he wondered if he would ever be able to hold his breath that long ever again.

Inexplicable tension fills the air
Every time your presence is near
Knowing looks, glances and stares
Seems like there’s something to fear

But our hands finally part
See a sigh escape your lips
Emotions roiling, playing out in our hearts
You walk away, gently swaying hips

The past, present and future
Comes to a shadowed cross
Love and life that we nurture
Preserved within us at any cost

Road ahead shrouded in mist
The distance grows as time persists
Between us are the faint memories of a kiss
Time passes but history doesn’t dismiss

Experience gained and innocence lost
Over time we realized why we fought
Now your muscles are sore, my patience short
Its too late for us now, time for a new court