Complicated Compassion
Walking off, I couldn’t help but feel a bounce in my step and a slight smile cross my face with the obvious tension floating in the air. The improbable situation that we found ourselves in, gave me a sense of satisfaction that I didn’t know was possible. I didn’t want to act or feel like a jerk, but I’d been feeling like a sack of shit for months, shunning all of the friends we had in common. This would be both uncomfortable and interesting, indeed.
“Hey, wait!” she called out. I turned around to face her and when our eyes met, she quietly asked,”You’re not still mad at me are you?”
Tilting my head to one side, I tried to puzzle out why she would care so much about how I felt. Why did she care? Sure, she was my friend and I suppose she would care about my well-being, but she was with the “right” guy now. That’s what she wanted, right? I wasn’t the guy she liked, it was Andrew.
“What makes you think I was ever mad at you?” I questioned.
“Oh, I just thought that after what had happened and with you not talking to me, you were still mad at me.”
“No, I was never mad at you. Sad, maybe, but never mad,” I told her as I walked backward toward the outer gates. “I’ve got to get going, but we’ll talk later. We still have practice you know.”
As I trotted off through the gates, I heard her whisper to no one in particular,”but I still miss my friend.”
—
Heading toward the pool, I thought about what just happened and the words I heard that were meant for no one. I had gotten over some of the sting of her refusal at my honest confession, but it still hurt, regardless of the time that had passed. My mind tried to seal up those wounds and push them aside, but whenever I thought about the event, there was bitterness that invaded my chest cavity. The same questions kept repeating themselves, ravaging my spirit. But when I asked those questions, I always came up with the same answers that was the salve for my soul.
Although it would get easier with time, rejection was still very new to me. This was the very first time where my honesty had netted me a backhand from Life. Simply put, it sucked. I had missed her too. Our friendship before my big mouth was what I missed most. We were buddies, pals and though the chance that I had taken failed, I couldn’t help but remember that we were still friends first.
Approaching a copse of trees, I wandered inside and looked up to see sunlight filtering through the branches at the very top. I had often climbed these trees, searching for something; adventure, fun and ultimately a sanctuary. Here I found some peace in the shadows and silence, blocked by the leaves that surrounded me.
“Why me? Why couldn’t it be easy? Why did you make this so hard?” I shouted into the forest of green leaves, heralding the coming of summer. When no answers came, I resolved to seek my own answers and find my own way. I wasn’t her boyfriend, but I could still be her friend.
Leaving that solitude behind, I realized that this duet might be more than just a simple song.
Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.
