There was a choir practice held each morning before school. The choir was split into two groups. One half attending on Mondays and Wednesdays; while the others showed up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Fridays, we would have a combined morning practice. These early morning sessions were generally for the 6th graders, although older students were encouraged to attend, in addition to their daily class, so they could properly hone their voices.

I had practice on Mondays and Wednesdays, whereas hers fell on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Regardless of the morning, I’d go to the choir room just so I could possibly get a glimpse of her face. We had known each other from the first days of middle school, so we had always been friends, but now, I couldn’t get enough of her.

I remember her soft soprano, with an undeniable talent for range. Not a powerful soprano that would shatter glass or command attention, but one that could soothe a crying baby and comfort an aching heart. It might have been this that I was initially attracted to, but it was no secret that she was very cute as well.

She was a petite little thing, a whole head shorter than I was, with long black hair and large almond shaped eyes. She had high cheekbones and in the winters they would turn a cherub pink as the cold would harass her lovely face. On top of her outward beauty, her bubbly personality and easy-going attitude made her very likable.

During the fall and winter, coming to school at that hour meant facing some frigid weather and a lingering morning darkness that seemed to engulf the landscape. Often times, we’d huddle together for warmth and a bit of gossip, since she knew about anything and everything that went on in school.

She was quite the popular one and I was practically beaming cause I wished and hoped that those 2nd and 3rd party rumors held true. I prayed that out of all the gossip that floated around, she did indeed have her eyes set on me.

As I ambled toward the choir room one morning, I was determined to be subtle in my approach, to see if she felt the same as I did. There was no turning back now, cause at that point, I was so enamoured that I probably wouldn’t know the difference between getting hit with a basketball or a car.

Spotting her in the distance, I called her name and slowly jogged toward her.

Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.

As the school year went on, there would be times where I’d get the occasional pang of guilt. The kind of guilt that would invade my stomach, sending clouds of darkness that would mar my mind’s eye. I’m not sure why, but I felt guilty for talking, socializing and unconsciously flirting with the many different girls that seemed to step into my life. I didn’t plan it that way, it just seemed like those were how the various pieces of my life fit together.

There was nothing wrong with what I was doing, but somehow it felt uncomfortable to me. We (Soo-Min and I) weren’t together anymore and had accepted the fact that a relationship might not be possible, but I still felt the dull aches that would leave me in a melancholic state of mind. To me, it was a betrayal of sorts since I still cared so much for her, yet I felt a strange attraction to all these other cute captivating creatures.

Those bouts of guilt had me keeping mostly to myself; occasionally hanging out with friends, while I tried to sort out the turmoil that raged inside of me. There was nothing inherently wrong with the way I felt, but I just had to be sure. To keep myself busy and out of trouble, I spent many hours on my sports’ (soccer, swimming, waterpolo) training, video games and singing.

Yes, you read correctly, singing. You see, I was a choir boy. Not a choir boy for the church, but for a nationally recognized middle school choir. Being a fairly strong tenor/baritone had one big advantage beside going to the annual national convention. It presented me with various pseudo-famous opportunities to perform and be recognized, which also became a challenge because the girls noticed it.

I was totally oblivious of the apparent attention I received because I’m pretty blind. Literally and figuratively. Some might say that in this sense, I’m as dense as a person can get. I’m one of those guys who can not seem to grasp when a girl might have interest, even though she could be dropping hints and making passes, short of grabbing me and planting her lips right on mine.

Although I didn’t notice a single thing, my friends did. From girls and guys alike, I would get fed all sorts of gossip. Half the time I didn’t believe what I heard, since I hadn’t seen or heard it myself. They would tell me that certain girls were giving me furtive glances, with the occasional longing stare mixed in. I always questioned these “reports” since I’ve never spoken with most of these girls before in my life.

Out of the many names that went in one ear and out the other, one of them stopped me in my tracks. I wasn’t sure of the validity of my buddy’s claim, but it wouldn’t hurt to find out.

From the many names that filtered through my porous skull, there was this one particular girl that piqued my interest.

Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.

That last year of middle school started with a sharp clanging of the brass alarm bells, which had been my constant chaperones during the previous 2 years. But this time that familiar ring was a little bit duller and there was a pervasive bittersweet undertone that seemed to signify the beginning of an end of an era.

To everyone else’s ears, that sound indicated the end of a school day, but to me those bells told a different story. It was a tale of outward growth and the methodic end of my period as a child. I had just turned 13; I was now a teenager.

Soo-Min was gone but we still kept in touch. It was hard on both of us since we were more than 200 miles apart. The hardest part about it all was how I felt about this girl. Granted, we were barely into our teen years and had very little understanding about what love was all about, but we just knew how we felt for each other. I had only known her a little over a year, but there was such a strong emotional connection that I had never known before.

Our exchanges became less frequent as time rolled along. The schedules that bound our hands were increasing the gap that we knew was already there. We were both growing in many different ways and there was nothing we could do to change that fact. We just had to accept and understand that this was how life was meant to be.

We talked and wrote whenever we could, but it seemed strained. Neither of us had the financial means to sustain a relationship and we both knew it. I remember the gifts that I would get in the mail, gifts that she made, along with pictures whenever she took new ones, as if she was afraid that I’d forget her face.

I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d never be able to forget her and you know what?

I never have.

Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Even though our time together was short, it was well spent. I shall always remember her because she was the first one to open my heart up to the real possibilities of real love. Looking back, I’m not sure if I was in love with her or not, but it sure felt like it. I loved her very much. And that’s what I’ll always believe.

There is no regret in my heart for falling as hard as I did for this girl. In fact, I feel honored and special that I was able to experience something like that, albeit for a finite amount of time. After she left, she took a piece of me with her that could never be replaced, but in its stead, she left behind a better [little]man and I thank her for that. Though it was an experience that was full of ups and downs, I would do it all over again, if I could.

Thank you Soo-Min for taking the time to sit with me on that truculent roller-coaster ride. Thanks for simply being there, thus helping me understand and mature in ways that I wouldn’t have for years to come. (not that I’m even remotely mature at this point in time) I’m not sure where I’d be right now without your influence. I’ll always love you and for all that you did for me.

Part: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.