Crushes
She wasn’t my first crush and she wouldn’t be my last. No, by that point in my life I’d had plenty of crushes. Some were short and sweet; the kind where the giddy feeling would pass a mere month down the road. And then there were the crushes that rolled over from school year to school year. Those were the ones that made me lose my sanity.
I wasn’t sure why she was different from the previous ones, but she was. She had long black hair that was always tied up in a topknot ponytail, which exposed her neck and shoulders, especially when the weather was warm. She was thin, fair-skinned and tall for an Asian girl considering our ages, and by my estimate, she had started developing early. She had this shy smile and lilting laugh that sent a jolt right into the very core of my being, melting my heart and the steel surrounding it. Whenever she spoke, I found myself inexplicably drawn to whatever she had to say. And when she stopped, my mind would scramble to find something to say, anything to say, just so I could hear her respond once more.
Yeah, so I was a dork. Give me a break.
I met her about a month into my 7th grade year. I spoke with her from time to time, between classes and during lunch, but I never really paid much attention to her otherwise. Most of my efforts went to teasing her. You see, that was my psychological defense against the unpredictable unknown. And it was my quirky way of showing that I had interest in a girl, but I was simply too cool to care.
Over time, we became more comfortable with each other. I remember going out of my way to walk her to the door of her classroom and I would buy her little snacks whenever she felt hungry. She would respond with her laughter and swan song voice. Every now and again, she’d push, punch or hug me, which always sent shivers down my spine. I wasn’t sure how to interpret the mixed signals, but I simply took them in stride. I’d do anything just to see her smile and hear her laugh. I had completely flipped over a girl.
Looking back, I’m sure that she had figured out that I liked her, since my clumsy flirting was quite obvious, but she didn’t shun me nor did she run away. Score! One day, I decided that I would try something that I had tried before, but had always been unsuccessful.
As soon as the last bell rang, I became a streak of light, running as fast as my legs could carry me so I could be there at her locker when she arrived. As she came strolling down the hall, a cadre of girlfriends happen to be tagging along. My mouth started to go dry and I thought to myself,”Shit! I wasn’t expecting to face 5 girls.” What to do? Should I take off before they could spot me and try this another day? Or should I just gut it out and be a man? While I debated with myself, one of the girls spotted me and called out.
Damn, I guess I couldn’t run anymore.
